The Days Are Long

But the YEARS are short. 

I used to hate that phrase, I thought it was so condescending. Recently it dawned on me how true it is. That those moments where I am overwhelmed by the fact that Ollie needs to snuggle before bed (more like boss mama around for an hour) those moments won’t last forever. There will be a time where he doesn’t want to love on mama or even talk to mama. I am already seeing this change happen in Ian, it makes me a little sad though I know I want him to grow into an independent young man.

My biggest problem is with myself, how do I handle those “long moments”, there is a lot at the moment. Who ever said two was terrible didn’t have a three year old 😉 . How do you handle yourself when you are feeling overwhelmed and mothered out?

 
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I admit

Motherhood has not come naturally to me. Five years ago when I had Ian, I had all these ideas about how I should feel and act. Some of which had been “helpful friends and family” telling me how I should feel.

I know some women say that they loved their baby the moment it was placed in their arms. How is it that we are supposed to have immediate relationships with our babies, it isn’t expected in other facet of life. I will admit, I cared for my boys from the moment they were born but this all encompassing love woman speak of took about three months. I imagine raging PPD and PPS didn’t help.

Why do I bring this up? Tonight in church, I had just Ollie and he was being a typical 3 year old. In my head though I kept thinking why won’t he be quiet and sit. Look at the families around me. What am I doing wrong? And then I turn it inward and think why don’t have the patience to handle this calmly and with grace. I just wanted to take him and leave, I didn’t we stayed till the end but it pushed both of us almost to our breaking point.

When will I feel like I am enough?

Then one day

He looks so little. He can't be starting pre-k.

You are being told that your baby is starting Pre-k. We went in for his fall evaluation for speech therapy and they came out with the news that they thought an integrated program would be best for him this fall.

Already rolling his eyes at mama.

So with just three days notice, we went into a flurry to prepare. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that he is in school. He was so excited and let me leave him with out an issue. Now I on the other hand bawled like a baby when I got home. So now we go on.