Chaos

My little world has been a bit chaotic the past few weeks. Ian went back to school and we had his IEP meeting. He will no longer be receiving speech services, this is a huge step from the non-verbal three year old that started this all. My Mama, is coming to visit for two weeks the beginning of September and I can’t wait.  Then Chelsea comes for a few days. It will be fun and nice to see everyone.

How do you handle outside stressors on your mental health, there are things going on in my little world that I can’t control and can’t share on the blog. So I will be vague, sorry. How does one set boundaries that makes it where you are still helping those in need but making sure that your needs get met?

Summer of ’04

Only a few bars had played and I was already in a different place. I could hear the breaking of pool balls in my head quickly followed with laughter at how awful my break was. How is it that one song can take me back to the summer on 04 and being 19, with no real worries. At the time my heart and mind were recovering from what I now realize is heartbreak. I filled my days with work, friends, and lots of shenanigans. That was the summer I took my first drink, subsequently my first hangover. I remember thinking that at the beginning of summer how exciting it was that all of my girlfriends and I would be in the same town again. Only to realize we weren’t the same girls who left it the fall before. Getting the sighs and dirty looks for rolling in 15 mins late to Sunday school with wet hair, and then the comment of “Bobbi you live right next door, can we try to be on time next Sunday”.

I remember lusting after guy who worked at a local ranch. Finally connecting with him to realize, that I didn’t want to be that kind of girl. Being rescued from an awkward situation by the person who you least expect because it always seemed to happen that way.

Fall rolled around again; jobs changed, classes started, and losing touch with people. Funny to think that at that time what I wanted most wasn’t that far away. I had already met him at that point.

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This was much better when I was writing it in my head, in the car on the way to pick up Ollie’s smash cake.

Mud on the Tires.

Radio Silence

Well things have been quiet here, other then beat a dead horse on numerous fronts I have kept my mouth shut, well and there was some technical problems but they have been resolved.

So this post is a jumble of lots of thoughts and who knows if it will make sense (to even me).

First off, I had a long talk with my doc about my weight loss goals. He agrees diet and exercise are god for me but nothing in extremes. Which in the past i have been known to do, we discussed a realistic weight goal. I will have to kiss the idea of the new boots being paid for by my dad good bye. That weight isn’t a health ideal weight for me. I also need to figure out how to work out with both boys. Lets just say going to a gym isn’t in the cards and they need to be my work out buddies. Any ideas, I have a sit and stand stroller as the only double stroller I have.

Enough about weight, lets talk about the fact in less then a week Ollie will be a year old. I can’t believe it. He still isn’t walking and finally has one tooth starting to peek it’s way through.

Our new routine should help me prepare for the not so distance future, I am pretty sure I have mention that C leaves for BCT in Jan. Any advice from my MIL Spouse readers?

Ian’s cast comes off on Monday, a day that I can’t wait for. I feel like I have rambled enough, I more to say but maybe it won’t be so disjointed next time.
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White Flag

I am waving it, at life right now. We are at the point where we might have to choose between electricity and water. I am job hunting right beside C, but the problem is we are afraid jobs might overlap and we have no free babysitting. On top off all that C isn’t comfortable with me having a job and the mental state I am in right now. I was exited out of the therapy program. It was only a crisis program, the ironic thing is I was exited out when it looks like I need help the most. Yes, I am still taking meds but coming up with the $45 to pay for them in 2 weeks may be a concern.

All I ever wanted as a child was to be the Maker of the Rules, now all I want it the comfort of my childhood again. It wasn’t perfect but man it was a lot easier then this. Part of me wonders if Ian will remember all this, I pray not. I know Ollie won’t but man I hate this. The option of moving somewhere else we thought we had isn’t really there.

So we are scrambling to find ways to make all our bills every month. It looks like C will work 2 jobs until he leaves for Basic. People have mentioned watching other peoples kids in the afternoon, well I don’t mine occasionally watching other kids an everyday thing isn’t for me. I am at a loss.

What I really need is to get back into therapy and truck load of money (hell I would take a job for my husband).

So if I am scarce in the next few weeks it is I don’t want to be the same dang song on repeat.

depleted

I am emotionally depleted.

Casey, the boys, and I have basically spent the past month together 24/7. Which really isn’t that different from when he is working, one would think. Well it is, I love them all but I am losing my mind. I know that I am not handling it in the best manner. I mostly want to hide in my bedroom and sleep. I haven’t worked on my bedroom project in like 6 weeks.

I feed them, change diapers, and make sure they have clean clothes. That is all I can manage some if not most days. The day I go to therapy is my favorite day of the week, it is made sure that I have time to look like a girl. Not just a mom in a tshirt and sweats.

I know we are it a time of stress, it will get easier. I need to buck up. Sorry for whining. I will resume trying to sleep now.

What a week.

Baby's first ER visit

We started our week in the ER with Ollie who had the most nasty cough ever.

It is time.

Not only did he start out sick, he turned 9 months old this week. I can’t believe it, he has now been out as long as he was in.

Bubba get out of my car.

Sharing isn’t my best trait either Ollie, I am not gonna lie it doesn’t get any easier. Society doesn’t find fits like this as cute from an adult. I hope you and your brother grow up loving each other as much as you love to tease.

Woot.

Letting my inner nerd shine with Abby and Gabe. We went to the comic book store where they were out of Wonder Woman coffee mugs and then to see The Avengers.

I am watching Dog, with the sniffles, and watching the clock. #widn @mamastrick, thanks for tagging me I never get tagged.

I finally kicked the nasty cold. A little trashy tv, the awesome vicks kleenex, and some cuddles made me feel so much better.

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Linking up with:
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Free Write

I feel like I have take about 5 steps back in my getting on the right track this week. We are all recovering from a cold just strong enough to bring us down. So I know that I slept too much over the weekend and it has thrown be all over the place emotions wise. I know havig to deal with my mother in a pretty stressful siuation on Monday and Tuesday didn’t help at all. I don’t remember her once saying thank you after me driving to Ft. Worth for twice in two days. One of those days getting myself and my boys up before 6 am. Making me put my boys in the car for long amounts of time. Poor Ollie yesterday was a train wreck, he wanted to be held tight all day after spending too much time in the car. I don’t what has come over Ian today, we weren’t up 5 minutes and he was in time out for trying to hit me. The day has could be described as actions that lead to time out and time out. Poor kid, I know he is craving affection which I am trying to give but pulling my hair while hugging me or running up and hitting the dog for no reason are not allowed. Lastly oh the house, it was so easy to keep clean then I got sick first and lets just say trying to pick up isn’t as easy right now. Can someone also explain to my husband that the shoe basket isn’t or dirty socks!

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