Never Been Truer.

Crazy Bitches

I miss home and my friends. I really hope that in two years, he is in a place to get out and we can be stable. I miss Texas, I want to go home everyday. I knew that my friends and family were amazing. Living 12 hours away, I have cemented this knowledge…..

When I had no other option.

Ian woke up acting as if he was still tired and after a few hours of meltdowns, no listening, and tears. Someone on twitter recommend taking a walk. So off we went. It was meant to be a short jaunt to the park not a 1/4 mile from our house. After we started I couldn’t think of stop that soon. We went to the park about a mile from our house.




We didn’t plan to go that far, I was wearing flip flops and all we have is a sit and stand stroller but it was nice and we all came back in a better mood.

Musings and Rambles

This post is brought to you by the letter C, for Crazy, Cookies, and a bit of Cranky.

Oh my Ian woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, everything is making him angry. Even the things he ask for. After 3 time outs in less then 15 minutes an one attempt to hit me in the face. We finally reached a turning point, he is now cuddling me while watching one of his Smurf dvds. I know that I shouldn’t solve a problem with tv, but I am so glad to not being screamed at for a moment.

I am now 11 days Paxil free, man last week was killer. I had no patience for anyone or anything, I sanpped and my poor husband and Ian over everything. This week dawned to me feeling more normal then I have in a while. Minus some tears over some silly things.

Wow, I can’t believe that we are about to start a new year. This past year has been the toughest that I have faced in a long time. I pray and hope that 2011 is kinder to us, we start this year in a very similar situation. I am pregnant again, this time I am praying for a different out come then with Ryan Jane. I don’t think I am strong enough to go through all that again. Actually I know I am not strong enough to deal with any of the big hits we were dealt last year again this year. I know if I had to I will do it, but this year I pray for a a year of peace and rest. Please lord let my soul have a little peace and time to heal and rest from the past 3 years of stress.

I need to be up cleaning the laundry room, but I am sitting watching last nights Dog The Bounty Hunter, and crying my eyes out. Well after this morning I deserve a moment to myself. If you made it through all this you deserve a prize, but instead I offer a picture of Ian enjoying his Christmas gift from my Daddy.

Don’t miss any of my adventures of being a Grown up If you want more Bobbi, check out my babbles

Danger, Gregory Family, Danger

With this pregnancy, I have no choice but to wean off of my anti-crazy pills. It will be a two week process to get off them. That isn’t the worse part, the worse part is that I am on paxil. My reading from the internet says that the withdrawal symptoms will be horrific. I don’t doubt this, as of this summer my doctor tried to wean my off while my husband was laid off. Not hers or my brightest idea, it failed miserably. The symptoms got so bad that my husband said get back on your meds or get out. I have no choice this time the health of my unborn baby is at risk. That being said I am scared, I can guarantee that I will have some interesting post, tweets, and such during this process. If you have an advice, tips, or tricks for the next few months please tell me.

Don’t miss any of my adventures of being a Grown up If you want more Bobbi, check out my babbles

They are Called TURN SIGNALS.

Those things controlled by the little stick on the left side of your steering wheel.

Now here is the tough part, USE THEM. Especially when driving in heavy traffic. In reality you should use them all the time.

Don’t miss any of my adventures of being a Grown up If you want more Bobbi, check out my babbles

Hard Candy Christmas

Christmas Ideas.
1. Bare Tree Apparel
2. uffda designs
3. Back 40 Life
4. The Charm Lady

Christmas is rapidly approaching and it is time to think about what I should be purchasing for others and ideas for others to purchase for me. Receiving has never been high on my list. The joy of watching one open something that you took the time and care to pick out from them and are giving them because you care about them, nothing can replace that feeling of anxiety/pride/happiness. The time it takes to shop for others looking for just the perfect item that they will love. I have already started mostly in my mind shopping for the ones I love. In the past few months I have decided that supporting small business and buying handmade is what I would love to give and receive. This is a few things that I have ran across that I would love to give and/or receive. Minus a couple of things and those two things are being mentioned fully for my benefit.
This Vinyl Decal, I love it and how true it is.

Christmas Ideas 2
5. Alorra Handmade
6. Back 40 Life
7. Tiffany’s (This one is an idea just for me, I have a $50 GC for there I need to use.)
8. The Pleated Poppy

Christmas idea 3
9. The Pleated Poppy (I have a few of Lindsey’s items and I love them all, I would love to have her signature Poppy’s for jacket lapels.)
10. Lucky Blue Bird Art
11. Allora Handmade

Then there are a couple more stores that I can’t wait to explore more Noah’s Ark Creations and Pickled Parlor.

Nothing in this post is sponsored and I do own items from Pleated Poppy, Noah’s Ark Creations and BareTree Apparel but all items I owned were purchased with my own money.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic Don’t miss any of my adventures of being a Grown up If you want more Bobbi, check out my babbles

What if it isn’t enough

If you follow me on twitter, in the past month are so you might have notice my annoyed tweets about my husband. I don’t know if these are growing pains, the fact that we have spent almost all our time together the last 3 months, or maybe we are reaching the end( I hope and pray it isn’t that). I know that the circumstances over the past bit have not been easy for us, it seems right as we are getting to a place were everything is working and we are communicating well. We get slapped in the face, I selfishly want to wish this on others sometimes. We have only been married 3 years and have been through so much (for a non-military marriage). Three Layoffs, me have to stop going to classes because of said layoffs, each stretch of un-employment get longer, a child, a miscarriage, going down to one car (this may not seem like a big deal to some, but being we live in Dallas, and the Public Transportation here blows it is a big deal), having to ask for help from our parents more then any grown married couple should. These are just the ones that came to mind at the moment, I know that there is more. We don’t communicate well at all, we have different love languages, we have different fight styles, different views on faith and different views on how a home should be kept. I know with out any one having to tell me my fight (argument) style is not fair and is truly very ugly, there is no excuse for this. I didn’t have great example of how to communicate effectively with your spouse, I knew at a very young age that my parents didn’t need to be together. They fought unfair they struck out at each other when the other was the weakest. I am very sad to say that I have been and still do sometimes fight like this. I am trying to change but sometimes I am successful, but at times when I am overly stressed and upset I fall back on old habits. Which cause him to shut down and ignore the words, gestures. In the past week, I feel like all the words I am saying are falling on deaf ears after a very ugly fight we had this past Sunday. Things were said that can never be taken back, I am the guilty party. When I ask him what to do to fix it, he says he is through arguing. I wish it was that easy, I know that every couple fights, nothing can be perfect all the time it isn’t human nature. I just want to argue less, I think we both have so much hope in the new job he is due to start on the 19th. What if when he goes back to work and the stress of the past few months begins to fade, that things don’t truly get easier? I know before anyone can say it, don’t make any life altering choices right now are during the next few months.

I know that, life isn’t supposed to be easy and the same can be applied to marriage. So please before you start talking about, counselling and all the good it brings. We plan on it when our insurance takes effect but it isn’t something we can afford at the moment. Also my biggest fear is that after a year we will get another pink slip, and I don’t know if he will be able to get another job. This past layoff we learned all the jobs he has had is hurting him, even with every old supervisor singing his praises and saying it isn’t his fault. The company he is going to work for still had doubts hence the reason it took so long for them to make an offer. I know that I could get a job but, with after paying for daycare and such my take home would be less then $100 a week. In my mind that isn’t worth giving my time to some company if I am not bringing enough home to make it worth it. Also as a former Daycare employee, no matter how nice it seems they are not what they seem. So as selfish as it may seem to my husband, my family and others; I can’t let Ian be in childcare full time. I would be okay, with maybe one day a week for social interaction but in reality I know that it is selfish of me to want to stay home. I know that my choice in the end can be hurting my family, but as a child of a mom that stayed home until I started school and I don’t know all the details but I am somewhat sure his mom stayed home too. It is hard to know when he want talk about growing up much, which is fucking infuriating, I want to ask his sister sometimes but some of the questions I have are not always as respectful. He keeps asking me what am I going to do once Ian goes to school, well first I would like to finish school. So that I can have a job that pays better then the retail field, I am so over the service industry with it’s crazy schedules, low pay, and so many more things. How can I make all this work, I feel like we built our foundation on sand and it is slipping away.
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I did not go back through and do a finally edit, so please keep all grammar, spelling and other complainants to you self. I need to get this out there, it is part of the reason I have been having trouble with my words as of recently. It is hard to write about what is going on in yor life when you are trying to avoid the biggest thing.

Musical Pony Rides

This past March, I attended a consignment sale with Jenny. While shopping I came across a rocking horse for the great price of $8.99. I remember how much I loved my rocking horse my cousins rocking horse, I may have grown up and only child but I didn’t get everything. So I thought what a great deal to get Ian one, well I brought it home and you would have thought I brought home the boogie man. Ian was more terrified of it then the vacuum and that is saying something. Overtime he grew to love tolerate it, he might even occasionally ride it.
What I didn’t realize when I purchased this particular rocking horse, is that it could play music. The sad part of this realization is that I didn’t figure this particular feature out until today while vacuuming. Yes he has been part of our home for three months and no one figured this out.
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Short and Sweet

Ian is improving, I know this because today has literally been all complaints all the time from him. We are glad he is feeling better, but overwhelmed by all the bitching and moaning he is doing.
We have so much to do today to prep Casey, for his interview. So I am going ask all you guys a question, the interview is a breakfast time interview at 8 in the morning. Do you think he should wear a jacket? Is having his interview so early in the morning a good or bad thing?

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Bad JuJu Go Away

I attended my first Tweet up last night in Flower Mound, which I was crazy enough to drive to from Midtown Dallas to Flower Mound during rush hour. It was worth it, I enjoyed myself so much. It was so nice and relaxing, for a few hours I was able to forgot all the drama that fills our lives. Then I come home to a husband who is in a panic about his job situation.
I understand times are tough for us, but I am tired of dwelling on it and living a constant state of fear. My home has been taken over by so much bad JuJu that it is uncomfortable for me to be here. Yet I have no where to go, and I don’t want to leave. I want the bad JuJu too, but when you aren’t the one creating the bad JuJu how do you get it to not affect you?

I want this Casey back, I am tired of the cranky, moody, women(it seems like), that has over taken him. Before you say that he is stressed as the provider for our home and he feels like he is failing at that role right now. Even though all that is going on what can I do to improve the JuJu in our home? This post went on a tangent I will blog about the Tweet up later.
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