reflection 2 months out.

So two months out of the hospital and I can say for the most part I feel better then I have felt in my life. The longer I am in therapy. The more I am learning about myself and how to handle situations in the past that I would have blown up at. I can tell that the medication is working even if we have to tweak some things. I am lucky that my care team is awesome, going through the program I am going through I was worried. My fear was that I was going to get people who were burnt out and didn’t care. My psychiatrist said it best in my first appointment with him, “if he was in it for the money he would have a private practice, he is where he is at to help us.” I know that once my time is up, I will be referred to other doctors. That time is rapidly approaching and I am praying that I am as lucky this time. I finally asked my doctor what my official diagnosis is. I am still processing it also but with time I will share. I still haven’t shared what lead me to get help, I am still not there yet. I can say though that the first step admitting I need help was the hardest. I know that I am not really sharing much in this post outside f saying things are improving daily.

If you feel that you need help don’t be afraid to ask, there are systems in place to help. I have been extremely lucky that during this process I have seen how strong my support system is. I am so thankful for them, I am blessed to have great family and friends.

bobbibabblessiggy

Musings and Rambles

This post is brought to you by the letter C, for Crazy, Cookies, and a bit of Cranky.

Oh my Ian woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, everything is making him angry. Even the things he ask for. After 3 time outs in less then 15 minutes an one attempt to hit me in the face. We finally reached a turning point, he is now cuddling me while watching one of his Smurf dvds. I know that I shouldn’t solve a problem with tv, but I am so glad to not being screamed at for a moment.

I am now 11 days Paxil free, man last week was killer. I had no patience for anyone or anything, I sanpped and my poor husband and Ian over everything. This week dawned to me feeling more normal then I have in a while. Minus some tears over some silly things.

Wow, I can’t believe that we are about to start a new year. This past year has been the toughest that I have faced in a long time. I pray and hope that 2011 is kinder to us, we start this year in a very similar situation. I am pregnant again, this time I am praying for a different out come then with Ryan Jane. I don’t think I am strong enough to go through all that again. Actually I know I am not strong enough to deal with any of the big hits we were dealt last year again this year. I know if I had to I will do it, but this year I pray for a a year of peace and rest. Please lord let my soul have a little peace and time to heal and rest from the past 3 years of stress.

I need to be up cleaning the laundry room, but I am sitting watching last nights Dog The Bounty Hunter, and crying my eyes out. Well after this morning I deserve a moment to myself. If you made it through all this you deserve a prize, but instead I offer a picture of Ian enjoying his Christmas gift from my Daddy.



Don’t miss any of my adventures of being a Grown up If you want more Bobbi, check out my babbles

Danger, Gregory Family, Danger

With this pregnancy, I have no choice but to wean off of my anti-crazy pills. It will be a two week process to get off them. That isn’t the worse part, the worse part is that I am on paxil. My reading from the internet says that the withdrawal symptoms will be horrific. I don’t doubt this, as of this summer my doctor tried to wean my off while my husband was laid off. Not hers or my brightest idea, it failed miserably. The symptoms got so bad that my husband said get back on your meds or get out. I have no choice this time the health of my unborn baby is at risk. That being said I am scared, I can guarantee that I will have some interesting post, tweets, and such during this process. If you have an advice, tips, or tricks for the next few months please tell me.


Don’t miss any of my adventures of being a Grown up If you want more Bobbi, check out my babbles

Mommy’s Break

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Thursday was spent in bed mostly, watching Season One of Castle. I did get up and shower to go to Lauren’s family’s Thanksgiving. As soon as I got home from dinner I climb right back into bed, until I was so hungry I needed to hunt for food. While I was out scavenging for food, I decided to wander through CVS. Why you may ask I have no idea, but I did come out with a couple of magazines. I haven’t felt the feeling of what to do in such along time. I love the feeling of no obligations, I was supposed to be finishing unpacking and cleaning like crazy which I will do in a panicked rush now. Since I spent the day watching the Scream Trilogy, I love those movies.

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So now that it is after midnight and my boys will be home in about 12 hours I am going to rush off to clean some. I am so glad that I decided to stay home at let the boys spend Thanksgiving with out me, it has made all the Dark and Twisty, all but disappeared . Lesson learned don’t let those feelings go so far next time, ask for alone time before reaching the point of no return.

Life

Recently I feel as if I haven’t been as honest on here as I should, with the up coming move and other activities in our life, I have feel as if I have just been posting fluff on here. Lots have been going on in our house the last few weeks. I have come to the realization that I tired of not being able to be myself, Saturday I had the awesome chance to have coffee with Lauren who writes at Mommy is Rock and Roll. I enjoyed myself so much, it was nice to meet a blogger in this area that is closer to my age and has a similar outlook on life and people as me. I hope that we can continue to grow our friendship. I was happy to hear that Vanessa of Creating Nirvana made it to Empowerment City, she has chosen to keep her new location from the interwebs and I will support her. I hope that she finds happiness and peace in her new home. I can’t wait for blogher so that we can catch up.

I am at the point in my life where I have a group of friends that love me for me, I don’t know how I ever got so lucky? They are amazing people and all of them and they support me even when I am full of irrational thoughts and fears. And this week all the insecurities of my past have been beating down there door trying resurface this week. After an awesome Twitter convo with the awesome Kim of The Modish Mamma. She helped me remember that it is all in the past for a reason. I am happy and nobody can take my dork in tin foil (knight in shining armor) away from me.

J if you have your baby on Thursday or Sunday your baby will share a birthday with one of my parents. I hope that you aren’t to uncomfortable. It will all be worth.