I swear this is a never ending cycle for us. Last Wednesday, Casey came home to inform me had been put on notice that he was being laid off at the end of the month (Mom when you read this do not call me in a panic about what we are going to do, I don’t know). We have been through this three times before so it shouldn’t surprise me that the man I love becomes a withdrawn grump. This time though, I don’t think I can handle him, a toddler, and being pregnant. I need my husband, I am not afraid to admit it. I think the most stressful part is the “helpful advice” others give, stop think before you speak. My husband has a very expensive piece of paper that makes it pretty much impossible for him to find something else to do. His experience is limited to his field of study, we can’t take the pay cut that entering another field at the bottom of the ladder would bring. Not only that but I wouldn’t want him to have to do that, there is no guarantee that any job is permanent.
Not only that but I need someone to be happy I am pregnant, all I hear is what is going on with the babie’s brain, really that is the name you chose, and what are you going to do now. Well here are the answers we are just going to watch it the blood test said it is nothing to be alarmed about, Yes that is the name I chose since Casey won’t do anything but turn names down (that is right he is withdrawn and sullen about this pregnancy), lastly I DON’T KNOW, STOP ASKING STUPID QUESTIONS.
All I really want to do is pack a bag and run away by myself but that isn’t an option, I love my family and I would regret it if I did it. But I can’t go through this alone and I know what is coming a grumpy husband who thinks sitting at the computer all day “looking for jobs” is enough. Well it isn’t he is still a husband and a father even when unemployed and we need him still. Not only is there that but I have to go on medcaid and with that I have to change ob’s since mine doesn’t take medcaid. To you helpful advice giving people, cobra isn’t an option the cost of it is more then we can afford. With cobra still comes copays and deductible and all those take large sums of money that one is hard spent to come up with unemployed. Not only that I still need to prepare my self for the toughest part of pregnancy the end and then labor. At this moment I want to live in denial land and think it isn’t going to happen. I am not strong enough for all of this. (Dad don’t call me after reading this and lecture me about my feelings, I am a grown woman and allowed to feel overwhelmed.)
This afternoon after Ian’s nap we were headed down the stairs to play, when I lost my footing. So as we’re falling Ian slips out of my arms and slides down about four steps crying the whole way. So I get up and run to him pick him up and check and see if he is all right, as far as I can see everything is fine. 15 minutes later he is still screaming at the top of his lungs but I can’t see anything wrong. I then call the peds office who recommended taking him to the E.R. It is at that moment I realized. That I hurt my back and tail bone in the fall and can’t really drive, so I call Abby. She arrives we head to the hospital. Once we arrived there was surprisingly only a few ppl ahead of us. Once we got to the back where he got checked out, I was told he was fine to watch for a few things and we were on our way. So now that he has been to the E.R. hopefully we won’t be going again (ever) for a long time.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T
As of Sunday, I started a new adventure of being a sat at home mom. Wish me luck as dive in head first to a world of unknown. I am trying to get our routine figured out. Anybody have any tips. I had planned on Monday to unpack from our trip to the IL’s last weekend, that didn’t happen Ian’s gum’s were hurting so I got nothing accomplished. Yesterday was a little better I got the suitcases moved to the rooms in which they need to be unpacked. Now today I need to tackle the ever growing pile of laundry.
Enough about my boring day to day. This weekend is going to be new and different, Casey’ s little sis is taking for the weekend for our 2 year anniversary. We won’t know what to do with out the little guy for two and half days.
My first mother’s day was no different than another day, I didn’t even get a card. It was nothing like last years, when I found out that I was going to be a mom.
Sorry it has been so long. I have just felt so overwhelmed, but now I can slow down and breathe. I have some more detailed post in the works, about what has been happening, what is about to go down, and me becoming a stay at home mom. More tomorrow.
Oh and check out the post on friendship over at http://charpenette.blogspot.com/.
I am sitting here at work on hold waiting for another wine consultant at another store to answer the phone. I am ready to kick a certain mgr too, more when I am at home.
The previous mentioned reflection post is still in the works didn’t like what I had so I started all over.
Well Casey got offered a job!!!! He starts Monday, so that leaves me less then a week to find and make childcare arrangements. This is going to be tough.
Work is going well we just rebuilt our promo aisle display it is now Tiki themed. I really like the main display piece I will post a pic later. I am really liking this store and the managers. Some of my co-workers and I are going to be bowling in a league starting in June, I am so excited.
Ian is getting so big so quickly it is amazing at how fast he changes, he can now laugh.
Seeing the Wizard of Oz on stage was unreal. It is one of my favorite movies. The sets where very well put together. Whoever acted as the scarecrow did an amazing job.
I miss College Station so much. I love everything about that town so much. If it was possible I would love to move back there to raise Ian. It has a small town feeling with almost everything you could want to do already there.
It was good to see Flop and Nintendo. I wish that it was possible to see them more often.
Well I think I have rambled on enough tonight, more to come of the past few weeks on the next few post.
Today I hit the ground running at work. I started at a new store today so it is gonna take a while to get things cleaned up and organized, the vendors have been left alone for far to long. I spent hours pulling ratholed bottles and I not even half way finished. I left them a nice note saying we aren’t gonna have that anymore. I am gonna try being nice before I go into bitch mode.
I have now been working for 3 days. I was supposed to have today off but my store is in such bad shape that I came in today to work on it some more. I am happy with the store in general it seems to have a more laid back vibe then my old one. I do miss some of my coworkers from my old store. The best thing happened when I came home from work on Sunday, Casey was burping Ian and when he noticed I was in the room he sat up straight and went oooooo. That melted my heart.
My 24 birthday is coming up in 12 days. I am excited and a little sad, I have always had something to look forward to even when it is nothing more than having people come over for dinner. This year is different I have no plans other then to work, I get off at 7 its not like I couldn’t do something. It is just tough to try and plan something. We are the first in my husbands group of college friends (I like all of these people they were just his friends first) to have a baby. So I now sometimes feel as if when they invite us to stuff is more out of obligation then them wanting to see us. I know that is probably not true but sometimes it’s how I feel. So for me to plan something with them would mean a course of no were all busy thanks maybe next time. Mostly all I really want is like three hours with my husband at home alone to watch a movie and hang out, but that isn’t possible because my mom Can only baby sit here and our previously mention friends more then likely wouldn’t want to watch Ian. The only couple that has ever offered 30 minutes away and to take him there and back just to gives a few hours alone makes me feel like I am burdening them.
Casey’s becoming more and more discouraged and it is taking its toll on me. I understand why he is, but I am the type of person that when the people I love become stressed and discouraged I become that way too. I know I am supposed to be the person he can lean on, but I am just as stressed as he is if not more. I am worried what if he can’t find a job what will happen to us. I don’t mean our marriage or anything like that, I love my husband so much. I couldn’t imagine going through this with anyone else. I am just so scared about what will happen when our savings run out. The money I make working and the unemployment benefits are no where near what he was making. We don’t live beyond our means but we still have 2 car payments, rent and other small things that have to get paid every month. I know it will all get worked out in the end I just need to relax.
Sorry for the pity party, I just needed to vent a little. On a happy note my 2 year wedding anniversary is fast approaching.
Casey and I shortly after we found out I was with child and him starting his new job last year. He got laid off last year around this time too. Boy aren’t we lucky. We came out the last lay off better off. We will come out of this one smarter and better off this time too (hopefully we won’t have the same surprise with this one).