I am converting to Catholicism, I have mentioned it on twitter in passing but that is about it. I am going through the RCIA process right now. This wasn’t a decision that was taken lightly. I hope that my family will come to understand that this is what is right for me.
For my readers that are catholic, who is your patron saint and what led you to choose that saint?
I am not at my worst with my internet addiction, that would have been shortly after we lost our baby in 2010 and I couldn’t face reality. I am not at my best though. Do I look fondly back at a life before all this social media hub bub? No, because I have met great friends thanks to the internet, actually message boards lead my to the bible study group I currently attend.
The problem is I use it as an escape to often though. I want my husband when he thinks of me to think of a smiling attentive wife not one who is ignoring him instead choosing to give the internet more attention then him. I want my children to remember a mama who played with them and enjoyed them, I don’t want them to remember an iphone blocking mama’s face.
I bought Sarah Mae’s e-book “The Unwired Mom” I read the first part and I walked away before I got the challenge part initially. I think my timing for reading it wasn’t right, we had just moved here I was lonely and bitter. The books focus is about engaging with friends in real life, I hadn’t found anyone here yet. The first time I attempt to read this book I was in tears at missing my friends. Today I came to the challenge part, I came at it with my mind and heart in better places. I haven’t found anyone to do it with me yet like the book recommends but I am going to go forward. I am nervous, I spent a good deal in prayer about this challenge (it isn’t a give up the internet challenge, more of a reengage life type challenge). I will blog more about it halfway through the two weeks and at the end. I do love so far how she encourages putting pen to paper and journalling daily. I love the feeling of pen on paper, maybe this will also give me the kick in the tail I need to start journaling again.
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At this moment when I feel overwhelmed that life isn’t what I imagined it to be as a kid or hell even a naive early 20 something. It hit me that I need to pray to go for the guidance to accept what has been given to me, during those moments it hit me. I AM BLESSED.
I shouldn’t let those little things that I don’t need but want overwhelm me. I should remember that I have a husband who is doing everything he can for us, including preparing to serve his country. He is willing to sacrifice time with us to provide for us. I need to remember when my boys have driven me to the brink, that they have their health and they are here for me to hug. The toughest for me is my battle with the demons of my brain. Even with medication this is the one that is hardest to give to god to bear the burden.
I need to stop trying to carry all these burdens myself, I need to pray more.
I am a Christian, I am not ashamed of this but yet I haven’t blogged about it much for the fear of offending others. I am not going to hide it anymore, it isn’t going to over take my blog but I have scraped many a post because the content has been faith based.
In the past week during my quiet time Revelations 20:10(And the devil, who deceived them, was thrown into the lake of burning sulfur, where the beast and the false prophet had been thrown. They will be tormented day and night for ever and ever. NIV) kept popping into my mind. I couldn’t figure out why, and then after much thought I remember it being part of one of the sermons the last year I could attend church camp. As I was going through those notes, I realized how much I have neglected my walk with God these past few years. I want to walk with him again like I did back then. I am hoping that God is telling me to cast the fear and doubts I have about rekindling my relationship with him and cast them in the lake of fire. So with lots of prayer and reading through old journals, I am going to start down the path with him again. Letting him take control again and stop trying to go against his will. I know I will stumble but he will be there to catch me. I now know that I will have to cast naysayers aside, and surrounded myself by people who will encourage me and not tear me down.
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