Time is moving forward but I feel stuck

I feel as if time is stuck. I know in my mind that nearly three weeks have past, can someone tell my heart. Ollie has stopped going to the door asking to go get Daddy. I talk to him and Ian about where Daddy is and that he loves us very much. Ian asks what he is doing, he loves the letters that Casey sends him. Talking of letters, I always knew Casey loves me but the way he writes makes me swoon. A friend read the most recent letter and she said, “He loves you more then even you know.”

Now back here basketball for Ian is a challenge, I sometimes wonder if he understands the game. He doesn’t seem to enjoy it as well as soccer. On the school front he is doing so well.

Ollie is just chatting up a storm and he is just becoming his own little person more and more everyday.

I on the other hand feel lost. I don’t know what to do somedays. I never knew how hard this would be. I feel like I am missing part of me.


And with a blink of an eye

With a phone call that was so brief that I barely got I love you out before he could hang up. I know he is safe, arrived at his base, and he will call when he can. He is a solider in training and our days as a military family have begun.

I am going to try and write everyday. I will make it part of my evening routine. I can’t remember the last time I wrote letters. Maybe high school passing notes? Does that even count? Tonight it was hard, I didn’t want to let him know his call upset me. So I rambled on about our day talk about the most mundane details. When in reality I just wanted to talk about how sad I was.

I need to remember that this is just as hard for him as it is for us. It probably is harder.

We will come through this.

Simple Life.

I miss the days when all we had to worry about was you and me. Where we more worried about plans for the weekend then how are we going to pay the rent. Our friends all lived on the same street for the most part. Now we are scattered across the world. As the days tick closer to you leaving, I wish for simpler times. I see you stress and it makes my heart hurt, I can’t remember the last time I saw you smile with ease. I miss that smile, the sounds of your laugh, the ease at which you used to go through life. We are both so nervous now that I can’t remember the last time we had a moment to work on us. We will make it thorough all these challenges and changes together as family.

So as we yearn for the days long past, we move forward boldly into the unknown. Baby as long as you are there for me, I will be there for you. We will conquer all the challenges and look back one day and laugh at these times and smile that we survived them.


Ch Ch Ch Changes

We are into the double digits I days left til C leaves for BCT. It is scary, I feel like time is speeding up. I can’t believe that the holidays this year mean that we will be closing in on the finish line.

I am scared, anxious, all those things when I think about it. Then I think about all the things we need to get done between now and then. Not only to make the transition easier but to make sure we have dotted all the i’s and crossed all the t’s.

Then there is the boys, how does mommy explain this. Then there is myself, how do I handle this huge new learning curve?

I do know that I love C and everything he is doing for our family.


So I need to remember to be more present with him during our time together now. To try not to take my stress out on him and to love him as much as I can.

Thinking back.

After Reading Household Six Diva about her move and things that make her feel like home. She mentioned her wedding topper and it got me thinking. What is the story behind

It made me think of mine and the story behind it. Ours was a replacement after my original idea was back ordered. It was purchased 24 hours before our wedding. In the end though I love it, even if I have given it away.

What made you choose what you had or didn’t have and why?


Date Night Has Changed

From impromptu sushi with friends, nights on Northgate, randomly ending up at the tattoo parlor(truly it did happen), to oh my we are lucky enough to have a sitter (my mom so graciously volunteered). What do we do now? The thought of having alone time together stumps us, since we usually have to leave the house there goes the idea of a nice night in. Well this past Friday we were lucky enough to have a night together thanks to my my mom. So we started the night with a little dinner.

chinese food Pictures, Images and Photos

That part was easy to figure out, it was what to do with our selves after dinner that got us. We did have the time nor the money to see a movie(when did it start costing so much to see a movie). We then threw out the idea of grocery shopping sans kids but we weren’t really sure of what we did and didn’t need. I don’t know how my love of the dollar store came up in the conversation but it did and we were off to the dollar store.

one Pictures, Images and Photos

When we pulled up in the parking lot and saw one of the discount hair cutting places, we both talked of our need for hair cuts. Seeing my chance, I walked in and bravely sat down(the last time I got a hair cut at a place like this, I lost a lot of hair and was given a hair cut I couldn’t handle). Not this time, I was blessed with the luck and got an amazingly trained stylist. Who had the knowledge to train the beast. Casey on the other hand, did not get his cut. He did go back on Sunday with a coupon and got his and Ian’s done.

scissors Pictures, Images and Photos

So what a change from pre-kids/college days, what do you do to keep your Date Nights fun?


Image credit 1, 2, and 3.

Linking up with:

TV Lies

Add to the list of things that can only happen to us for $1000 Alex, is managing to lock ourselves out of our bedroom at 10:00pm. Yes we have a keyed lock on our bedroom door it has been there for about 10 days. We had yet to separate the little keys that came with it, even Casey had mentioned doing so earlier yesterday.  After a nap yesterday, I went out and locked the door with out even thinking to look for the keys.  Which brings us to bedtime, to cranky people one of which was on medications and a lot of shared words.

So I will take you back 10 days or so, I had just got home from the hospital and Ian went into my bag. Covering himself from head to toe in a brand new tube of tooth paste and me declaring that a lock will be installed asap.  So come the weekend we trekked  down to our local home improvement store and for around $9 bought ourselves a little keyed door knob. After the install things had been going well until last night.

Where I managed to lock us out, and make a normally very calm Casey quiet upset with me. Words might have been exchanged, there might have been some foot stomping, and someone might have said they want to run away(me). I went to the dispenser of knowledge (twitter) and shouted out for some help while Casey actually tried to fix the situation.  About 45 minutes into it a loving tweep and a good friend started actually giving very similar advice. After the card trick failed and Casey was ready to break down the door. He realized he had been turning the lock the wrong when when trying to pick it.  Just a few minutes later Huzzah we were in, the keys were separated, Casey was claimed the hero and with that we feel into bed and passed out. Hoping that will never happen again.

The best learned advice is, people and tv lie were not able to pick a lock with a credit card.


Image Credit

Nothing Better

GEDC0639The other night Casey was on the floor with Ian they were playing cars, which somehow turned into reading books. I love that Ian loves books, he loves everything about them. The joy he gets from reading books is contagious, you just can’t help but smile at the way he lights up when being read too.


I know that he is a little sponge at this age and that every time we read a book, even if it is the same book like 8 times in one day. He is getting something out of it, he is learning. I love that he will point out the things he has learned as we are reading. He is now even recognizing letters, and about 80 %of the time he is right.

Ollie had to get in on the action.

So what are your toddlers favorite books or favorite Authors? Ian has a few favorites, Little Blue Truck(I swear I read this book at least 5 times a day, The Ravioli Kid (I don’t know where my mom found this but it is insane how much he likes this book), and The Frog and Toad short stories (though only casey can read these he does amazing voices).


The links above do use my amazon affiliate link, but that doesn’t make how many times they have been read or the amount they are loved any less real.


My Rainbow baby, that I prayed for you are here now and I am so thankful for you.

I am thankful for you the boy who made me a mother. That challenges me everyday. You are showing me how much fun being a kid is.

You the man who stole my heart. I am thankful for you everyday.

I have been blessed. I need to remind myself this every day.

Ollie’s Arrival

I am going to preface this by saying that I didn’t always agree with or sometimes even like my OB, Ollie is here safe and healthy. This post will more then likely be long, picture heavy, a bit rambly and emotional for me. I make no promises that it will make any sense. birth6I went on sunday night to start it all, Casey took me while Ian hung out with his Papaw. We got to the hospital and were put into what I thought was going to be my room, while the nurses were looking over my birth wishes. They came in and said that they were going to move me to the corner room to be sure that there was going to be enough room for everyone I wanted present, this is were I have to say all but one nurse at my hospital were amazing. They moved me instead of telling me that my family couldn’t be with me, I was put in a corner room that was huge. I told them they didn’t have to and they said no they didn’t but they wanted me to have a great birth. So after I got settled in, got everything signed, sealed, and almost delivered. Casey went home, I love him but a hospital room isn’t a comfy place to sleep. So I was left alone with my thoughts, were I wondered how the next day was going to go. One sleeping pill later and I was relaxed enough to be able to get some rest before the big show. Edit1The nurses came in at 6:30 and asked me if I wanted to shower before we started the pit. I jumped on the chance, knowing full well that it would be relaxing. Until I got in and even on the hottest setting the water was cold. Why is the water on the Labor and Delivery floor always so cold?Edit2Around 8 the nurse came in and started my PIT, I knew from my labor with Ian that this wasn’t going to be fun. This time though I wanted to go longer or maybe the whole time with our pain medication. Not 10 minutes later my OB came in and wanted to break my water. I told him no, that I was only 2cm and had just started the PIT it wasn’t necessary. I was hoping they would break on it’s own. After he left, I asked if I could get on my birthball. As soon as I sat down on it, I realized how much more comfortable it was then that damn bed. At this point my 2 of my Aunt’s, Mama, Daddy, and Casey all arrived. My Wishes was to be surrounded by family at all times. At 9:30 my OB came in and again asked to break my waters and to check me, I knew that to get him off my back I need to give to get. So I let him check me and I was at a 3, at this point with Ian my water had already broken. So I let him break my water, holy hell it was a horrible experience. The pain of it and how violated I felt. I got back on the birthball, which helped the pressure on my hips. At this point my Cousin Kimberly called at said she didn’t know if she was gonna make it. I broke down at that point all I wanted was my Laura Jean, I can imagine my husband was feeling really loved at the moment. My Aunt Doll (her mom) was on the phone with her as I was crying and she was saying she was gonna try to make it. The next phone call was my Cousin Brandi telling me I hadn’t invited her mom, but she was on her way. For the record I had invite my Aunt Cindy, she had told me no. She was also telling me she was waiting on my Cousin Candi and they would be on their way. While waiting for them get there, my Aunt Bonnie proceeded to get my mind off having a baby by asking me about my make up, hair, and whatever popped into her mind. All this time I was pretty much being left alone by amazing nurse. Heck she wasn’t even coming to adjust the PIT very often at all. After about 4 hours on the ball, I was beginning to hurt and they were having trouble keeping on the Ollie on the monitor. GEDC0094 I decided to switch between standing/leaning on the bed and the rocking chair. At this point my amazing nurse had to go into surgery and she was replaced with the bitch of a nurse. Her first interaction with me was to come in and try to adjust my PIT level with even saying a word to me. I stopped her asked her what she was doing, she told me. When I asked her if she had read my birth wishes she said yes, I said did the part about not doing anything with out telling me slip your mind. She said no but what she was doing was procedure, I said not to me. She stomped out, she was very pissed. At that point my cousins arrived, all of them including Kimberly with our other Cousin Tasha. I was so happy, that they were all there. edit 3I was beginning to feel exhausted from the pain, it was going on one pm. So when the bitch nurse came in to adjust my pit, I asked what had to happen to some iv pain meds? I knew the answer before I asked, I knew it was gonna be get checked and get in bed and stay in bed. I knew that I need to take the edge off, I know my limits and I was reaching them. So I got checked and was only at 4, as I got medicated I felt some relief. I became loopy and was making my family crack up. At that point I asked where Dr. FeelGood was, they told me he was going into surgery and he would be at least an hour. So my family went to grab something to eat, all except my Aunt Doll and Kimberly Laura they stayed with me. birth5My nurse came in and asked me if I still wanted an epi, if so Dr Feelgood is available but I needed to be checked. At this point it was around 1:30 and when checked I was still a 4. I said yes to the drugs, hope that I could at least get some rest. He came in and placed it and something wasn’t right, I could still feel everything on my left side. He came adjust the med level and I felt relief for about 90 minutes where I got a nap in and it was amazing. edit5I woke up from that nap, to feeling everything my epi wasn’t working and I wanted it fixed. Well they came in and checked me told me I was only at a 6. At that point Dr not so feel good, came in and said everything was in place and should be working. At this point, I just wanted to be through so I agreed to hospital procedure for pit. Which is uping it every 15 mins, it was horrid. I was crying out in pain, I felt like my right hip was going to break. Ollie’s head was hitting it so hard. edit8Turns out all the pain I was feeling must have been transition, I went from a 6 to ready to push in about an hour and 15 minutes. I was very vocal during this time, so vocal that my pain made my normal calm and level headed Aunt cry. During all this the nurse was trying to tell me that I wasn’t contracting enough to be in that much pain, well at that point the amazing nurse from the morning comes in and realizes that the thing placed on my belly wasn’t working. So they placed an internal probe for contractions only, nothing was placed on Ollie. editagainI knew when it was time to start pushing, they came in and Ollie wasn’t taking it so well. It also turned out that he had pooped since they had broke my water. I knew from listening to my Aunts that Ollie really wasn’t doing well, so I pushed until I couldn’t anymore. I pushed for around 15-20 minutes and Ollie was born at 5:27pm. birth7After he was born my family who had all been present, as I had wanted attention shifted to Ollie. All except my Aunt Doll who stayed with me as I hemorrhaged and the nurse kept working on me. They finally got in under control and I was able to hold Ollie. .birth8While I was waiting to hold Ollie, after they finally got the bleeding slowed. My Cousin Kimberly made sure that she wiped my tears. birth3My family all loved on our newest member and chatted, while we waited for big brother Ian to arrive with his Aunt Abby. I was so exhausted, over come with joy and so hungry. GEDC0137After everyone had left and I had gotten a chance to get up. Casey went and got me some panda express and that was the best meal ever. There was something going on the postpartum floor so it was taking along time for us to transfer. I was okay with this since I got to spent lots of time with my new baby. birth2I am posting this with out going back through and rereading as I am crying again. So please forgive any mistakes.
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