I seem to always come back here when my brain is full. There is a lot going on in the world right now. It is a lot for my brain to process. I am already at like a 5 for anxiety most of the time and now it is hovering around an 8/9 most days. Last week the boys were home for spring break and that has been extended a week. We were just casual last week, no real routine. I already saw the breakdown of a week of no routine. So do I do what we do in the summer? We talked about what is going on, they understand as much as they can. On the other hand, the d&d games that take places in our home have been suspended until April. So there goes my interaction with people outside of my family. I am worried how my mental health will be in two-three weeks time during an already precocious time of the year for me. Things I am doing, since I only get a limited number of rescue anxiety meds : Daily Dance Parties, Blogging (I mean It’s here might as well use it), New Make Up Looks, and I ordered a bunch of crossword puzzles. I would love to say I would read, I have so many books on my kindle. I don’t think my attention span is there right now. I do have quite a few audible books though (I could try that). I also have my comics and graphic novels. I can’t take the boys to library to get more books because it is closed (and social distancing). I know I will rely heavily on my pocket friends and I am glad they are there. I have had to make myself relax my jaw a lot the past few days and now I am having to do the same with my neck and shoulders. What are your social distancing plans? Last night I said to C, “I feel like the world’s on fire”, his response “Not on fire but warm”.
The whole time we had FootFoot I had one friend who insists that I was a cat person with a dog (who was more cat like then dog). I was like no, no, no; I have always had dogs. I will always have dogs. And then 2 years ago we lost our beloved FootFoot and I tried to replace her too quickly with a dog that didn’t work out (long story). Then on our local mom’s page someone posted a picture of a 9 month old kitten that needed to be an only cat. Well I was why not try a cat? It was remarkable how fast I “became” a cat person. And recently thinking about it, FootFoot had a lot of cat mannerisms. While I type this no less then 3 times has he come in to “yell” at me about something. He is so full of personality; he fits in here perfectly. So I think my friend may have been right and I was a cat person all along who just had dogs and didn’t know differently. So this post is to say,” Kari, you were right.”
You might have noticed the silence the last week. The break started because one of my boys and I were sick. Then as we were feeling better, I decided to take a week long break. I have been working hard on all things, BadWolfBobbi since the beginning of the summer. I am not complaining, I love social media it makes me happy. I do all this because it brings me joy, I hope being open about my mental health and life will help others no they are not alone.
Life with invisible illness is lonely a lot of the time. A lot of friendships today are superficial, which get exhausting after a while. Those true friends that will talk to you about anything even during the dark times are gems. I am lucky that I have an amazing group of friends that I can celebrate the good and damn those people are there when I push everyone away and the darkness is winning. I have some bad ass besties that will beat down the wall and get me talking when I need too but don’t want too. This happens a lot, it is easy to shut down and not share how I am really feeling.
I am that annoying friend that can tell when you need an ear. I love when my friends need a friend back, because I feel like I am the taker in a lot of my friendships. I don’t want to be that way, I want to be a great friend. I want to be to my friends what they are too me. Anxiety is a fickle beast; it is always telling you aren’t good enough. Or at least mine is. It is amazing how you can be having a good day and then feel like you are floating in a pool of a thousand hand buzzers. It comes out of no where sometimes and it last for minutes to hours. It is hard to explain to people. I have no idea if any of this made sense it was just what was on my mind tonight. I hope you have a great week.
In poor planning fashion, I somehow failed to realize that the 30th feel on a Monday. Which means I planned for every post except this one, I sit here on a Sunday with so much on my mind and no clue where to start. So Sorry folks, you get an old school stream of consciousness post.
Lots of things are on my mind but making magical memories is there at the fore front. Are you team everything needs to be magical or team memories are made in the mundane? I don’t know if that even makes sense, like I do special things for everyone in my life. I am about making memories, though I believe memories are made in the mundane. Some of my favorite memories in life are not the extravagant experiences in life, they are those little moments in the everyday. Like laughing in the kitchen while preparing dinner as a family, discussing how we discovered chickens are related to dinosaurs, etc. I want everyone in my inner circle to know they are loved, cared about, have a friend that will listen, laugh & cry with them. Discussions about the hard things can happen here, we have open ears and open hearts. My home is the place where you can show up and know that there are open arms, a beverage of your choice, blankets, a hug, and a cat who oddly knows when people needs cuddles. Memories are made in those moments when no one is looking for them; in cups of tea, smiles and idle chit chat. I am not saying Pinterest and it’s excessive ideas are wrong, I get ideas there. Just know that making magic isn’t just excessive gestures but in the mundane.
I don’t know what to do with this hear blog? I like it, the title, and so on but I got it redsigned about a year ago and I don’t know how to change it something I can mess with. I am also feeling kind of trapped with the title, which I love but I feel like I can’t write just to ramble like I used too. I know it is my blog, I can do what I want. I think I am at a point where I don’t know what to do. Hence the quiet that has been going on. I have been writing more on Bobbi Babbles. Who knows. On an unrelated note, we are staying here in the townhome. The owner is willing to work with us on paying the deposit out, now we have to figure out our budget but we can make this work. I have to stop stressing and give it over to the lord.
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