So I have let the boys stay up late a few times this summer. Well flag football starts this Saturday and has three practices a week till school starts. So tonight they asked if they could stay up as late as they could. Knowing fair well that Ian would be the one to push the envelope. And I was right come eleven, Ollie came up and hugged me and told me he was going to bed. I was surprised he made it that long, he loves sleep. I just looked back and Ian is laying on the couch so he might not make it much longer. Why did I agree to this you may ask? Well some off my fondest summer memories is staying up all night (if not all night pretty late) with my Dad playing video games or watching movies. So I want my boys to remember the good times.
We are 5 mintues from midnight when I started this post. River is resting her head on my hip snoring away, I thought she was annoyed that I was still up. Then she came to snuggle me, so I think she maybe is warming up to me. She was so standoffish at first. Though she already loves Ian, when he goes up stairs she sits at the baby gate and waits for him. Why am I awake? Well the left side of my head, ear, and throats hurt. I have no reasoning for why it hurts. I am wondering if it is because I still have my wisdom teeth and the pressure the tooth puts on things.
I should go to bed, the boys went to bed early tonight cause they were both tired. Which means they will be up early. And I will be regretting this late night. Though sitting alone in peace and quiet is very relaxing. What do you do to relax?
Last year I talked about going back to school to become a real estate agent. Well, I lasted like a month in school before my mental health blew up. I probably should have been hospitalized last summer. Getting out of bed was literally painful. A medication changed help but didn’t complete fix it. So I stopped doing the work for the program, and things started looking up. It took me till March to admit to myself and C that I wasn’t gonna be able to mentally handle working. So now I need to find an attorney to help with the process of getting disability. And if you have problem with me looking for assistant, keep it to yourself until you walk in my shoes. Even after admitting this, and things looking up I still ended up in the mental hospital for a week over Easter holiday, for suicidal and homicidal thoughts. And with that stay I had to change providers to one covered by my insurance after paying cash since January because the providers on my insurance all work out of MHMR. And I will say that having gone through MHMR when I didn’t have insurance after Ollie was born, I felt like I was a cattle being put through a chute. Enough about that, I am now being seen by an MHMR provider in my home county. I have seen my provider twice and he is gruff but sadly I have no other choice (That Rant is a whole other post, comment if you want me to write it). So much happened this spring that I can’t talk about cause it isn’t my story alone to tell but lets just say that I became strong enough to get rid of some of the toxicity in my life. Doing so I feel so much better then I have felt better in years. Mental health is unpredictable and who knows where I will be in a few weeks.
I will admit I am not the neatest person, I am trying to get better at this. So I decided to Read Unfuck Your Habitat by Rachel Hoffman after seeing an official Facebook group titled this. I just learned by Google that is is also a blog, boy am I behind or what. I just started it last night and I am not very far into it but I am hoping to learn something from it. Not a dig at anyone, but growing up cleaning house was not something that was thought to be a priority in life and boy do I wish it was. I will admit since we moved in I haven’t been able to maintain a maintenance level of clean. Lots of things will add into this but for the last few weeks I have maintained the first floor. By cleaning when River goes outside till she comes back in. She normally goes out every hour for around 15 minutes. I can normally get the whole first floor swept while she is out and then mopping broken up into two different trips. She tries to eat the mop and broom. No My second floor is still a mess other then the boys bathroom which C and I tackled last weekend. I plan on tackling all the bathrooms today after I go get another toilet brush, our last one bit the dust. How to get my upstairs unfucked? Also I have a few cleaning questions.
Do you have a toliet brush in each bathroom?
How often do you vacuum your carpeted stairs?
How often do you mop your floors?
Seriously Dusting is the worst, How Often?
A Random Photo
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So as I stated we lost our
precious princess Queen B, FootFoot. And I didn’t handle not having a furry friend very well. Literally THREE days later I was at the shelter (thats right I adopted didn’t shop). There were some awesome dogs, there was one I really connected with named Shirley but she was part bulldog and our land lord won’t let us have that breed. So now the story of how Charity became River and found her furever home. I walked down the depression line of cages and saw this 8 month old puppy laying there sleeping, I will admit she wasn’t my first choice but now that she is here I couldn’t imagine another dog. She has her quirks, but would she be part of the family if she didn’t? It took her about 2 weeks to really grasp house training, she has occasional accidents now but mostly she alerts to go outside. If we can only get her to stop peeing when she meets new people. She is part Border Collie and part Lab, and none of the lab’s people pleasing attitude. She loves water, is super smart, she is still learning to be loved on and accept love. She loves bed time I think it is her favorite part of the day, she willing goes in her box and snuggles in. If C and I take too long downstairs after she is in the she will let us know we need to go. We had friends over Saturday night and around 11:30 she made clear to everyone she was ready for bed and we were keeping her from sleeping. While she is no FootFoot and I have to stop comparing her. She is sweet and energetic, the boys are finally learning how to play with her. There was a learning curve, she plays a little more rough and wild. I think she is a Good Doggo.
1. Do you like blue cheese?
2. Coke or Pepsi?
Diet Coke but of the two Pepsi.
3. Do you own a gun?
No and we won’t unless C has a way to make sure I never have access.
4. What flavor Kool-aid?
5. What do you think of hot dogs?
I am not a fan.
6. 2 Favorite tv shows?
Currently on Tv:
Better Call Saul and Doctor Who
No Longer on Tv:
Gilmore Girls and Buffy
7. 2 Favorite movies?
Vibes and Scream
8. What do you drink in the morning?
Coffee and Water
9. Can you do a push-up?
10. Favorite jewelry?
My Tiffany’s necklace I got for my first anniversary.
11. Favorite hobby?
12. Do you have ADD?
13. Do you wear glasses?
14. Favorite cartoon character?
15. 3 things you did yesterday?
Ate, Talked, Slept
16. Three drinks you love to drink?
Diet Coke, Code Red Mountain Dew, and Cranberry Red Bull
17. Current worry?
Will River ever calm down?
18. Current hates?
19. Favorite place to go?
Comic Book Store.
20. How did you bring in the new year?
Went to bed? I don’t remember.
21. Where would you like to vacation?
Washington, D.C. and London
22. Name three people Who might do this.
Nobody since I am doing it on my blog.
24. Favorite color?
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
26. Can you whistle?
27. Where are you now?
My house at my desk.
28. Would you be a pirate?
I don’t know; like the movie version, yes. Real life, no.
29. Favorite food?
32. What’s in your pockets?
33. Last thing that made you laugh?
34. Favorite animal?
Giraffe and Dog
35. What’s your most recent injury?
2 new Tattoos
36. How many tv’s are in your house?
37. Worst pain ever?
38. Do you like to dance?
39. Are your parents still alive?
40. Do you enjoy camping?
Well as my last post stated we lost our Beloved FootFoot. It was sudden and it tore me apart. She had been my companion for 11 years. It was heartbreaking to rush her to vet only to be told there is nothing they can do. I cried more then I had cried in many years, as one can imagine. She was such a good dog, she loved her babies so much. She loved to nap and shred clean toilet paper. I don’t know what else to say other then FootFoot you will be missed so much.
Well as you can see there is some new things happening around here.
I have a new domain Badwolf Bobbi that links back to TexasBobbi, if I was smarter it would be the other way around. I figured it out!!! I can’t believe it has been seven months since I touched my blog. I plan on being around here a lot more. I have so much to write. I know the hardest post I have to write is a in memory post about FootFoot, she passed on May 27th and we were heart broken. We are over half way through summer vacation, the boys have had 2 weeks on intro swimming lessons. Which they loved, and were super awesome way to help pass time and learn a new skill. We also got a new dog, her name is River she will also get her own post. I don’t know what else to say, so I am gonna end here tonight.
It was a rough year overall, there was lots of changes and transitions for our little family. Not all were bad though, C time in the army ended and we returned to Texas. He started a job that seems to be stable, yay! If you have been around a while you know when the economy took a crap that C’s field was a bust. (Enough about that). Things there seem to be looking up except we miss Tricare. This summer I hit a super depressed period where I was barely functioning. It took a med change to help get me out of it. And I am not ashamed of it. I need medication to function, yes function. I have a mental illness and I am not ashamed of it. The boys are both in school and seem to be enjoying it. Ian is repeating first grade and we see so much growth and maturity in him. Ollie is flourishing in school, he was ready when he started last spring. I am glad that we waited till after we moved for him to start school. There will be more to come but I am struggling with what to share and what not to share.
This is probably gonna be long and ramble. But I mean who reads this anymore? Me I do, I just went through my archives to read about my Ryan Jane. After a twitter friend recently suffered a loss, it made me realize that I am far removed from the angry manic person who took a trip to utah with out even discussing with her husband in the months that followed. Wow it is amazing what a couple years of therapy and proper medication has done for me. Now in know way am I forgetting about my loss or the kindness showed to me in the days following it. So thank you again. It is amazing after reading those posts that I am still here, I was so angry and raw. I miss what could have been but am so Thankful for Oliver.