I am selfish?

Is making myself a priority selfish. I struggle with this, I struggle with balancing caring for myself and caring for my family. I can’t imagine trying to work out of the home and balance it all. Sometimes I am so overwhelmed at where to begin that I don’t do anything at all. This happens way more then it should. I struggle with shutting down when I am overwhelmed. Do I retreat to protect myself from failure? I think I do, why am I so afraid of failing? Like I would rather not try then fail. I am afraid of failing my children, husband and family.

I struggle with keeping house, so much that it brings me to tears probably once a week. I want to keep a home like you expect from a stay at home mom. Instead, I am always drowning in laundry and needing to vacuum.

I am going to step away now before I start crying. Sorry about the abrupt ending.

2 Replies to “I am selfish?”

  1. We take a shower, we wash our hair, maybe we even spend extra time in the bathroom with a book or our cell phone for breathing room. We eat our vegetables, we get our roughage. We pray, and all of that is self-care. If we didn’t take responsibility for self-care, we couldn’t care for others, like our husbands and our children. We can’t give what we don’t have to give. We are women, the caring profession.

    Based on the challenges you have described in your blog and your video, you may have a greater responsibility for additional self-care. You might note that I am using the word “responsibility”, as providing this care for oneself is not self-indulgent at all. You need to take your medicine. You need to work with your doctor. You need to do your therapy, the things you do to release your creativity and feed your soul.

    Could it be that you are searching for perfection, Bobbi? I have to admit that I have never achieved perfection and I don’t know anyone who has, even those with seemingly blessed lives, no mental illness, no physical disabilities. Perfection is a God moment, a sparkle, and then it passes until your next God moment. Perfection is not something you achieve; you can do, do, do, do from the break of day until late into the night, and you will still end your day an imperfect woman, just like me. If you are determined to keep trying, use your energy to love your husband, and your children … and yourself. And you will have a God moment, that might materialize as a tight hug.


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