What it is like

I preface this by saying that this will be disjointed. I am not in a shiny place. 

My lovely baby cousin shared an article  on Facebook and it was on point. What it didn’t share was what it is like to live in the shadows. Like how Showering requires energy and some days it is easier just say no. That I either want to eat everything in sight trying to numb the pain or the idea of eating is overwhelming because it is another decision that you have to make.  When getting out of bed feels like the toughest thing you will do all day. To know what is going on in my head isn’t hard to figure out, my home is reflection of it. Most days it feels like you are fighting for air. Then there is the people who say you don’t seem depressed, you can smile and laugh. Well let me tell you I can smile and laugh but the chances that they are fake are very high. I want of this roller coaster, but I don’t think that is an option.