I admit

Motherhood has not come naturally to me. Five years ago when I had Ian, I had all these ideas about how I should feel and act. Some of which had been “helpful friends and family” telling me how I should feel.

I know some women say that they loved their baby the moment it was placed in their arms. How is it that we are supposed to have immediate relationships with our babies, it isn’t expected in other facet of life. I will admit, I cared for my boys from the moment they were born but this all encompassing love woman speak of took about three months. I imagine raging PPD and PPS didn’t help.

Why do I bring this up? Tonight in church, I had just Ollie and he was being a typical 3 year old. In my head though I kept thinking why won’t he be quiet and sit. Look at the families around me. What am I doing wrong? And then I turn it inward and think why don’t have the patience to handle this calmly and with grace. I just wanted to take him and leave, I didn’t we stayed till the end but it pushed both of us almost to our breaking point.

When will I feel like I am enough?

6 Replies to “I admit”

  1. Oh, mama! How I wish I could sit down with you and have a hot cup of tea! If I were sitting at your table right now, I would look at your beautiful face and tell you that you will always feel inferior while comparing yourself to others – for as long as you compare yourself to others! God made each of us so uniquely different! He gave us unique relationships, families, homes, careers, and friends. Beyond that, He designed you to be you! He gave you your personality, your temperament, your strengths, and your talents. Not everyone is great with babies or toddlers – some excel as moms when their kids are in junior high, or as teens. Some moms don’t do as well with elementary aged kids, but feel most fulfilled as mothers of newborns. That is ok! Ask the Blessed Virgin to help you focus on what God’s unique plan is for your vocation, and to help you live your vocation as wife and mom the way she did, completely trusting in God. Ask your Guardian Angel to help you see opportunities where you can improve, and to see yourself the way God sees you – as His beloved! You are so very loved by your Creator – by the King of Kings! He must have thought you were already “enough,” because He willingly died for YOU. Never forget that. In the meantime, pray that He will hep you in your struggles. Tell Him you feel weak. He will help you to be strong. I am so glad you stayed through Mass, even though the Evil One was trying to convince you to leave. Next time, silently ask St. Michael to fight the Devil for you so that you can focus on your son and the reasons you are at Mass. I am praying for you!


  2. I think one of the worse things we can do as mothers is tell ourselves that we “should” be a certain way — feel certain things, think certain things, act in certain ways. There is no absolute list of what makes someone a good mother — only the expectations that we place on ourselves.

    I’m not sure when motherhood became a competitive sport, but somewhere along the way it did. And that makes me sad, because it means that all us moms are out there chasing after an ideal that just doesn’t exist.

    As a mom you will have good days and bad days, good WEEKS and bad weeks and that’s okay. You love those boys and that’s the thing that matters most.

    Hang in there, friend. It’s a struggle for many of us, too. You’re not alone. xo


  3. I know exactly what you mean! Motherhood has never come naturally to me. I am definitely enjoying older kids more, finally feeling like at least some of this comes easily. I think what your other commentors have said is spot on. One day at a time, that’s my motto.


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