The Calm Before The Storm

I swear this is a never ending cycle for us. Last Wednesday, Casey came home to inform me had been put on notice that he was being laid off at the end of the month (Mom when you read this do not call me in a panic about what we are going to do, I don’t know). We have been through this three times before so it shouldn’t surprise me that the man I love becomes a withdrawn grump. This time though, I don’t think I can handle him, a toddler, and being pregnant. I need my husband, I am not afraid to admit it. I think the most stressful part is the “helpful advice” others give, stop think before you speak. My husband has a very expensive piece of paper that makes it pretty much impossible for him to find something else to do. His experience is limited to his field of study, we can’t take the pay cut that entering another field at the bottom of the ladder would bring. Not only that but I wouldn’t want him to have to do that, there is no guarantee that any job is permanent.

Not only that but I need someone to be happy I am pregnant, all I hear is what is going on with the babie’s brain, really that is the name you chose, and what are you going to do now. Well here are the answers we are just going to watch it the blood test said it is nothing to be alarmed about, Yes that is the name I chose since Casey won’t do anything but turn names down (that is right he is withdrawn and sullen about this pregnancy), lastly I DON’T KNOW, STOP ASKING STUPID QUESTIONS.

All I really want to do is pack a bag and run away by myself but that isn’t an option, I love my family and I would regret it if I did it. But I can’t go through this alone and I know what is coming a grumpy husband who thinks sitting at the computer all day “looking for jobs” is enough. Well it isn’t he is still a husband and a father even when unemployed and we need him still. Not only is there that but I have to go on medcaid and with that I have to change ob’s since mine doesn’t take medcaid. To you helpful advice giving people, cobra isn’t an option the cost of it is more then we can afford. With cobra still comes copays and deductible and all those take large sums of money that one is hard spent to come up with unemployed. Not only that I still need to prepare my self for the toughest part of pregnancy the end and then labor. At this moment I want to live in denial land and think it isn’t going to happen. I am not strong enough for all of this. (Dad don’t call me after reading this and lecture me about my feelings, I am a grown woman and allowed to feel overwhelmed.)

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