I am tired of trying to find the good, life sucks right now. My marriage is in a rough patch, my son is sick maybe it might just be allergies, I hate living so far away from my friends and family, I want to go back to school, Casey last day of work tomorrow, I want to purge so many things from my home, and I need a break from it all a few days alone.
Where to start on the above mentioned things, lets start with Ian he has a cough and sometimes runs a low grade fever but they don’t know whats wrong. If he hasn’t started to improve by tomorrow they are ordering more test. I hope they get it figured out, we run out of insurance on the 30th and we can’t afford cobra and getting on medicaid takes time. Then there is my my marriage my husband and I are both stubborn people, I am the one who wants to work and communicate and he is a sit stew then blow up and then forget it all. Neither of these things are working we have the same handful of issues that we have been dealing with for years, we are both responsible for different ones, neither of us is perfect but it is time for some change. We are about to spend a large amount of time being together all the time and if we can’t start changing and working together instead of against each other it will get ugly fast. I love the area we live in but I hate it, I am so over living away from friends and family. Since his graduation we have lived on this side of the metroplex, which I am fine with I made friends then we moved to midtown Dallas and now it is an hour commute to see any of them. My family lives on the other side of the metroplex and he bitches that they have never came to see us over here so why should I want to go see them. Well I try to tell him because I love them and I need them. I am not like him and could live a life of solitude, I need friends and family. I am a social creature, he is not and that is one of our battles. You can hang out with friends with out spending money, but he thinks because we aren’t flush like he thinks his friends are they we shouldn’t hang out. He is the laziest friend I have ever seen yet somehow he has a group of friends that tolerates this, if he calls he gets included if not then oh well next time. I was supposed to go back to school this summer well yet again that has been put on the back burner do to Casey being laid off, I am tired of my needs being but last in his eyes. I understand that we can’t afford it but when do I get to finish my degree. When do I get to take a chance to focus a little on myself and my spirit, I am so drained. I want to a large purge of my home of everything from clothes to crap we have moved over and over again and not unpacked, yet we are both pack rats. I need someone to come in and help me and by help I mean when I try and keep something throw it in the trash anyways. Our home needs this since we will be spending lots of time in it as a family in the coming weeks. I need to make our home more space efficient so that we can escape each other when needed, which will happen. Lastly I wish that I would be able to have a few days alone to build my spirit back up after everything that has happened in the last 2 months, seriously losing a baby, Casey losing his job, and then the everyday stresses. I am spent I need to reconnect with myself and start to heal. Which will never happen because I have no where to go where I could be by myself. Tomorrow is Casey last day of work, Ian’s 15 month check up and the day I want to runaway. So any tips on how to come through these challenges, if you would rather email me then free you can find that on the connect page.
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