Things I never wanted to admit

I never wanted to say that I lost a baby, but that dread came true on Friday in one of the worst experiences of my life. If that wasn’t enough of a strain on us emotionally and physically the drain it is taking on our already strained budget is causing Casey to freak out. I mean he not only has to deal with a wife who is breaking in to a million jagged pieces. Then I had to admit to him that there are moments when I look at Ian that I have overwhelming sorrow. There are so many reasons, mourning the loss of him becoming a big brother, the question of how did he get here but not this baby and many other little things. I am so lost at what to to do to make these feelings change, to help my husband cope with his loss. He tells me he is more worried about me and how I am coping. I don’t want to tell him that the coping isn’t here yet, all there is pain and anger. I want to yell and scream curse words at the top of my head and break stuff, and when I don’t like that I don’t feel anything at all. Tomorrow will be the toughest day so far we will find out how this will all proceed, I am terrified that they will say that my body failed. So during this time of need I ask that you please keep my family in your thoughts during the next few weeks, and if you could please help us with the cost of a D&C which I will most likely have to go through. The cost is overwhelming and while we have insurance we do not have the money to cover our portion of it which is still a considerable amount of money. I hate asking for money but in times of need one should reach out and hope that others will reach back. If you can donate anything my family would appreciate it more than you’ll ever know.
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Thank you!

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