This time of year is rough

On August 14,2002 when I was 17 I had one of those life altering car wrecks. I shouldn’t be here today, I was speeding and hit a tree on a back road on the way to my dad’s house. I need to mention I was coming home from a funeral. I sat there in my car unable to reach my cell phone for at least 2 hours in the Texas heat until my neighbor drove up and found me. I was Care flighted from the scene, to Harris Downtown, where the first person there was my best friend Laura’s mom Suzanne (she works downtown). I spent over a week in the hospital, I missed the first day of my senior year. It was a not a good time for me.

Things happened during the healing process that hurt me more then my car wreck did. I was living with my dad when my car wreck happened, I don’t full understand the details of everything that went down in the week I was home from the hospital, nor will I probably ever know. All I know is that at the end of that week I was moved back in with my mom with out being asked if I wanted too. My mom and I were not on the best terms when I was made to move back in with her. I was left alone alot during the healing process because my moms work sch. and I was still angry at my dad.

Then as if I wasn’t already hurting enough and being left alone with those angry thoughts. Is week later one of my class mates died in a car accident very similar to mine (side note I went to a tiny high school with less then 400 students in the whole high school). I was affected in so many ways by this incident, one thing I have never under stood why her and not me. There is nothing special about me.

Seven years later this all still haunts me. I can’t talk about about it to my family because I feel like if I did they would say that I should move on it was along time ago. Are that they would say that why worry about the past. I am not saying my family is heartless but that they don’t like weakness. So what is a crazy girl to do?

5 Replies to “This time of year is rough”

  1. I never knew you were in a car accident. But why would I? I think this is the first time you mentioned it.I'm sorry you had to go through all that with your parents especially just recovering from an accident, that had to suck.Have you had any counseling about your feelings? or maybe just talking to someone? That might make you feel better.


  2. #1: You said "There's nothing special about me…"Well toots; that's a matter of opinion and I disagree. You need to take a closer look… If I can see it from way over here on the other side of a computer screen, you should be able to see it too. #2: There's a HUGE difference between "dwelling" and "remembering/reflecting/grieving"… No disrespect intended, but your friends need to shut the fuck up.#3: As far as I'm concerned, "weakness" is defined by refusing to confront our demons. You're facing YOURS head on. And as if that weren't enough, you're letting the skeletons out of the closet in front of the ENTIRE WORLD!!! That, my friend, is strength. Again, no disrespect intended, but your family needs to shut the fuck up too.#4: I see nothing at all inappropriate about this post. If shit hits the fan, it's because someone has a guilty conscience. Let THEM deal with their own demons… your plate is already full enough.#5: Hang in there toots… I know it's a very tough time for you, but it WILL get easier. It has to.


  3. If it were me, I'd really want to understand what was going on behind the scenes. Clearly there was a convo between your parents about what was going on where some things were established. I'd find it really difficult to move on without knowing what was said in that convo. Wanting to know the truth is different from just dwelling. Maybe there is a way to approach it with your parents that will get them to spill it without them feeling like they're living in the past? I have no idea what that might be, but I'm hoping there's a way.


  4. All I know from the years of going through counseling myself and Celebrate Recovery that I have been through and walked others through is that things in our past definitely DO need to be processed through fully, and no one can tell you whether you have fully processed enough to move on except you. It sounds like to me that you have not had a chance to fully process what happened and your mind is going to keep bringing it up until you have dealt with it. Counseling is nothing to be ashamed of and no one has to know but you if you choose to do it. A lot of times health insurance can pay for it and you can ask them to pay for a specific type of counselor if you have a preference. Anywayz, I am a big proponet of facing things and getting help! It has made a huge difference for me at least.


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