Nose to the grind Stone and Pity Party

March 22:
Today I hit the ground running at work. I started at a new store today so it is gonna take a while to get things cleaned up and organized, the vendors have been left alone for far to long. I spent hours pulling ratholed bottles and I not even half way finished. I left them a nice note saying we aren’t gonna have that anymore. I am gonna try being nice before I go into bitch mode.

March 26:
I have now been working for 3 days. I was supposed to have today off but my store is in such bad shape that I came in today to work on it some more. I am happy with the store in general it seems to have a more laid back vibe then my old one. I do miss some of my coworkers from my old store. The best thing happened when I came home from work on Sunday, Casey was burping Ian and when he noticed I was in the room he sat up straight and went oooooo. That melted my heart.

My 24 birthday is coming up in 12 days. I am excited and a little sad, I have always had something to look forward to even when it is nothing more than having people come over for dinner. This year is different I have no plans other then to work, I get off at 7 its not like I couldn’t do something. It is just tough to try and plan something. We are the first in my husbands group of college friends (I like all of these people they were just his friends first) to have a baby. So I now sometimes feel as if when they invite us to stuff is more out of obligation then them wanting to see us. I know that is probably not true but sometimes it’s how I feel. So for me to plan something with them would mean a course of no were all busy thanks maybe next time. Mostly all I really want is like three hours with my husband at home alone to watch a movie and hang out, but that isn’t possible because my mom Can only baby sit here and our previously mention friends more then likely wouldn’t want to watch Ian. The only couple that has ever offered 30 minutes away and to take him there and back just to gives a few hours alone makes me feel like I am burdening them.

Casey’s becoming more and more discouraged and it is taking its toll on me. I understand why he is, but I am the type of person that when the people I love become stressed and discouraged I become that way too. I know I am supposed to be the person he can lean on, but I am just as stressed as he is if not more. I am worried what if he can’t find a job what will happen to us. I don’t mean our marriage or anything like that, I love my husband so much. I couldn’t imagine going through this with anyone else. I am just so scared about what will happen when our savings run out. The money I make working and the unemployment benefits are no where near what he was making. We don’t live beyond our means but we still have 2 car payments, rent and other small things that have to get paid every month. I know it will all get worked out in the end I just need to relax.

Sorry for the pity party, I just needed to vent a little. On a happy note my 2 year wedding anniversary is fast approaching.

Casey and I shortly after we found out I was with child and him starting his new job last year. He got laid off last year around this time too. Boy aren’t we lucky. We came out the last lay off better off. We will come out of this one smarter and better off this time too (hopefully we won’t have the same surprise with this one).

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